A parent comes to the school office, upset. Her daughter says another child has hit her more than once today. “He’s bullying her,” the parent says. “What are you going to do about it?”

The administrator knows they need to learn more. The children are five. The contact may have happened while one child was moving quickly through a crowded space. Either way, a child was hurt, and she needs to feel safe at school.

That is where the response begins.

Bullying has a specific meaning. It involves aggressive behavior, a real or perceived power imbalance, and behavior that is repeated or likely to be repeated. Other hurtful or aggressive behavior may not meet that definition.

A behavior doesn’t have to be bullying to require a response.

1. Take the concern seriously when a family reports bullying

A good first response doesn’t argue over the word bullying. It lets the child and family know the concern has been heard.

“I’m sorry she was hurt. Thank you for telling us. We’re going to find out what happened and make a plan to help her feel safe.”

Whether a parent brings the concern to a teacher or a leader, the response needs to be a team effort. The teacher can share what they’ve seen in the classroom, while the leader checks in with other adults who were present. Together, they can understand what happened and decide what to do next.

2. Find out what’s happening

In this case, “a couple of times today” tells us something important: the child has been hurt more than once. It doesn’t yet tell us why or exactly what occurred.

Together, the adults can piece together the moments. Where did they happen? Was the same child approached each time? What did adults see? What have the children shared?

It also helps to consider what skills the children are still developing. At five, a child may need more practice moving safely through a crowded space or noticing when someone is in their path. That is worth exploring alongside the possibility that the contact was directed at this particular child. Neither possibility changes the need to address what happened.

Approach conversations with children and adults with curiosity: “What did you notice?” “What happened just before?” “What might each child need right now?” The goal is to understand the full picture so the children can be safe and get the right support.

3. Make a plan for both children

The immediate plan should answer a practical question: What will be different tomorrow?

Adults might supervise a transition more closely or adjust how children move through a crowded space. The child who was hurt might need a check-in and a clear way to get help if it happens again. The other child might need someone to model and practice how to move safely around classmates, along with any additional support that helps them use that skill.

A plan works best when everyone knows their part: who will check in, who will teach or practice a skill, and who will notice whether it is helping. That makes the plan possible to carry out during a real school day.

Both children need adults who will act with care and consistency. Keeping one child safe and helping another child build a needed skill belong in the same plan.

4. Close the loop

Families cannot see the planning that happens inside a school. If they hear nothing after reporting a concern, they may reasonably wonder whether anything changed.

A follow-up can be simple: 

“We spoke with the adults who were present, and we’ve put a plan in place for the times you told us about. We’ll check in with your daughter tomorrow and update you again on Friday.”

As a school, you can explain how you are supporting their child without sharing another child’s private information. The team also needs a time to check back with one another: Is the plan working? Has another difficult moment occurred? Does anything need to change?

When a family says, “My child is being bullied,” we owe them a careful answer. We also owe their child a response they can feel the next time they walk into school.

For the parent in our story, that means hearing more than “We looked into it.” It means knowing the adults have a plan, that her daughter has someone to turn to, and that the school will check whether things have improved. For both children, it means adults working together to keep them safe and help them learn the skills they need.

Written by Sarah FIllion 2026

Want more strategies for responding to classroom behavior? 

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